2011 ANNIVERSARY LECTURE: CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF LATE – MRS. ESTHER FOLORUNSO AYANTAYO

Introduction: We want to start by explain some keywords used in this write up in other to understand the context in which they are used:

Road Map:

1.             A map that shows the roads of an area, especially, one that is designed for someone that is not conversant with the area.
2.             A set of instructions or suggestions about how to do something or find out about something.

Combining the two definitions, we can say:

–          Roadmap points to the way, especially as the way is strange to you.

–          You keep strictly to it so as not to miss the way.

–          It may issue suggestions or instructions.

–          Every detail in a roadmap is important.

–          The best roadmap for Christians is the Bible.

A virtuous Life

–          A virtuous life is a life that demonstrates virtues or good character.

–          Virtue is a learned personal trait, a form of human perfection – R.C. Robert to be self-actualized, well adapted, fully functioning, and to be  a good specimen of human kind. It is associated with “Iwa” in Yorubaland. Example of virtues are purity, tenderheartedness, wisdom, temperance, contentment, kindness, gratitude, hospitality, generosity, humility, gentleness, truthfulness, peaceableness, forgiveness, fear of God, patience, self-control, perseverance, courage, honesty, mercy etc. These are societal virtues as well as Christian virtues.

Peculiarities of Virtuous People

• They are celebrated.
• They are  loved and preferred
• They are trusted
• They are  wanted in every community
• They are lives
• They make things happen around them
• They are  not easily forgotten
• The virtues in you answer for you in all areas of life:

o   Academic

o   Career

o   Marriage

o   Business

o   Financial life

o   Relationships

We shall focus on the roadmap to virtuous marriage life.

ROADMAP TO A VIRTUOUS MARRIAGE LIFE

A Christian youth who is intending to have a virtuous marriage life needs a roadmap at different stages of marriage:

• Choice
• Making the home (living with your spouse and training children)
• Living with in-laws

1. Roadmap to Choosing The Right Marriage Partner

This stage is like the foundation stage which must be solid and well planned because every other thing comes on it. If it is weak, then you have a weak structure. If it is strong, congratulations. Gen. 2:18-25

• It is driven by need: Don’t start it if you don’t need it yet (vs 18)
• You must be compatible: Spiritually, academically, and socially. (vs. 18)
• You need to be matured: Spiritually, financially, physically, and emotionally. Don’t be rushed into marriage, you have so long to stay inside. (vs 22)
• Attraction is necessary: Love is not blind (vs 23). What attracts you? Money? Car? Office? House? Beauty? Let your attraction be: inner beauty, modesty, someone who can be your friend, not your boss, or servant.
• Involve Jesus: He is the Originator of marriage.

How do you involve Jesus?

o   Pray and pray and pray, prayer cannot be too much

o   Be sensitive to Jesus and whatever he is speaking with you, especially about your attraction.

o   Allow his representatives to know on time: your parents, your Pastor/tested councellor.

Note Well As You Choose.

o   Be sure he/she is a Christian (2cor. 6:14). Do not release yourself to unequal yoking

o   Watch his/her family background. Are the parents happy in marriage? Polygamists? Criminals? Thugs? Known debtors?

o   Be sure you are compatible/comparable

o   Does he/she honour or respect you?

o   Can he/she blend with your interest/career?

o   Will you be able to stand by your vows to him/her?

o   Study his/her temperament and be sure you want to spend the rest of your lifetime with him/her

o   Is he/she you friend?

o   Can he/she be another son/daughter to your parents?

o   Can you be proud of him/her or freely show him to people?

o   Does he/she encourage you or compete with you?

o   What interest him/her about you?

o   Can you blend your ideas with his/hers about future: ambition, what to be, where to live? Etc

o   Go for premarital counselling early enough. Do not let it be pre-ceremonial counselling.

o   Do not marry out of sympathy, love at first sight or because of affluence.

o   Take time to talk about your lives – past, present- future.

Please Avoid:

• Hugging, holding or kissing.
• Sitting on his lap.
• Staying indoors alone for long periods
• Staying alone in isolated places especially at odd hours
• Sleeping/lying on the same bed
• Undressing with your partner around
• Touching the sensitive parts of your partner.
• Having sex before marriage – it is a sing
• Marriage at short-notice – it may be deceptive.

Especially for Girls

• Be in control of the relationship
• Have a great respect for yourself. Do not allow anyone to mess you.
• Keep your virginity; it is your glory.

1. Roadmap to Making the Home (Living with your spouse and training the children)

The process of making the home is like the professional touch that is put into making it work out well. You need to know;

• Christian marriage is a three-fold cord.
• It is a room without exit
• It is friendship
• It is adventure
• It is servanthood.
• It is a sample of Christ-church relationship (head-body, oneness).

Tips:

• Apply biblical principles for you marriage – husband, show love and understanding; wife, submit in love (Eph. 5:22-33).
• Understand your spouse’ personality (temperament)
• Accept your spouse
• Don’t always blame your spouse.
• Openly and sincerely communicate your feelings
• Be open about your finances.
• Be determined that you both will have the best of the relationship.
• Still give attention to your appearance (modestly).
• Still date and court your spouse
• Appreciate each other openly.
• Construct a Christ-quality marriage rooted in fidelity, trust, chastity, honour, truth, integrity, respect and purity.
• Employ the power of gifts.
• “Thank you” and “sorry” a very important.
• Pray more for your spouse and for the relationship – prayer answers all things.

1. Roadmap to Living with In-Laws: Ruth 1:16

• Accept them
• Celebrate them
• Give them same treatment as you give your own
• Remember they also suffered for your spouse to become whatever he/she is
• Learn their secret and win their love
• Include them in your budget
• Remember they are your people by law of marriage – whatever are their excesses could also be like your own people (especially mothers-in-law).

PRAYER BULLETS

• Oh Lord! Show the map into your own plan and thought for me
• Lord, at every stage of my life, be there for me
• Please impart me with those virtues that will establish me in marriage
• Lord! Give me my friend in marriage
• Give me in-laws who can also be my parents and make me another child to my in-laws
• I know you hold my future Oh Lord, establish my future and my destiny in Jesus’ name
• I am virtuous; I am celebrated, I am wanted, I am preferred Oh Lord! In Jesus’ name.

Rev’d Dr. Elizabeth A. BOLAJI